please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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