The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
