And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
