hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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