I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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