just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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