Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
