you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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