4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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