At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
