guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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