You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
