will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
