yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
