That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Drake has all the answers
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
