There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
