If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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