Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
