Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
