The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize