Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
