The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
