Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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