Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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