the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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