somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I have fence marks all over my body
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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