I looked at my own cervix.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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