do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
