I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we made out on top of his cat.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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