I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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