$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
