it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
