before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Randomize
