I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
