Just cropdusted the office
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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