I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
