I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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