I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
