I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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