Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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