Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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