Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
