we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you traded sex for a burrito?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
This is classic penis vs brain.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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