I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize