And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
