I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
