I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Randomize