I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
