I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
