On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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