i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
