apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
