recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
