evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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