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I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
