now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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