whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
