I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
