Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
