I feel great
I just peed on a car
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I am one with the molecules
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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