Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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