so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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