Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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