So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She bit a glass in half.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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