he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
