I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
