Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
