The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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