I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
