the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
