69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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