it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
