I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i will never coherently bang her
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
