i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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