She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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