I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
