im drinking this country out of the recession.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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