and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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