24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
