The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
