I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
