Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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