We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
