Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize