I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
