Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
