I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
