She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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