Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
