My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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