Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
