Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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