Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
